How to get out of a rut as a new mum
By Sophie Harris - Pregnancy & Postpartum Psychotherapist
With a new baby, initially, all routine goes out the window. This is a necessary part of your bonding and learning to be a parent.
However, there usually comes a time when you are craving some structure. You may be looking for ways to feel like your old self again.
Simple daily habits can be powerful in increasing your overall happiness.
As you adjust to life as a mother, it can be hard to create the time and motivation to do the habits that make you feel good whilst caring for your baby.
Unfortunately, when we do fewer things that make us feel good, we feel worse. When we feel worse, we do less of the things that make us feel good. This creates a vicious cycle effect and can contribute to low mood and feeling bad.
This article will cover how you can break this cycle. It will help you identify what activities make you feel good and how you can start doing the things that make you feel good and keep doing them.
Choose your activity
Okay, the first thing is identifying what activities help you feel good. It is helpful to think of several activities that you can do relatively easily (e.g., taking a walk, skincare routine) or that may take a bit more effort (e.g., join a gym, book a massage).
Set your (achievable) goal
Now that you have chosen what makes you feel good, it is time to set a goal of how you will do it.
It is important to make this goal achievable.
For example, setting myself the goal to go to the gym for 1 hour 5 times per week will feel unrealistic, especially with a baby. There are different ways that I can make this feel more achievable.
Find ways to make your goal easier to achieve
Initially, I might set myself the goal to exercise for 10 minutes per day.
Or, I might reduce the number of days I choose to exercise.
Alternatively, I might choose a low-intensity workout that I can do at home.
In this instance, I will use all of the adaptations listed to make this goal more achievable.
My initial goal for the week is to exercise twice, for 10 minutes, a low-intensity workout that I can do at home.
I have chosen this goal because I know that I can make myself complete 10 minutes of exercise even if I don't feel like doing it. I will need very minimal motivation to achieve this.
What is your goal that you would like to work on?
Doing it
Now the next part is actually doing the thing. However much you know something will make you feel better when the time comes to do the thing that will take you towards that goal, you likely won't want to do it.
Act to a plan not a mood
Usually, when faced with completing a task that will help you in the long term, but takes some effort, your mind may come up with a whole host of excuses.
"I'm too tired."
"I'll do it tomorrow."
"It doesn't matter that much anyway."
"I'll just do x instead"
These stories that our mind tells us are an inevitable part of the process of doing something meaningful.
Learn to hear these stories without buying into them. You can acknowledge your resistance to doing something and still do it!
You may find it helpful to schedule a time to do your chosen activity. It can be easier to have a specific time to do something rather than putting it off for the rest of the week.
This is not always as easy to do with a baby and may require a bit of flexibility.
Ways to introduce this flexibility might be rather than scheduling a specific time, you may choose to plan a particular day or during nap time.
Sticking to it
Now you have started to do what makes you feel good. It is necessary to keep doing these things and building on them.
Usually, this involves some form of accountability. You can work out the most helpful way to do this.
Some techniques might include:
Write your goals in a journal.
Put reminders into your phone.
Write your goals and stick it on the door of your fridge.
Telling someone else what your goals are.
Choose what works for you. Being a mother means that there will inevitably be times when things don’t go to plan. This is inevitable. In these times, be kind to yourself rather than letting your critic take over.
It is ok for things to not always go to plan.
Focus on your longer-term goal and why your goal is important to you.
Hi, i’m Sophie
I am a therapist and mother. I love helping new mums overcome anxiety and low mood to feel confident and content.
If you are looking for postpartum support for you or a loved one, then use the links below to find out more about the services that could help you.